Seniors Bus Tour
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.
After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.
She repeats this gesture about five more times.
When she is about to hand him another batch again ....he asks the little old lady, 'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.
'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.
The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'
The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'
Monday, February 23, 2009
New Guy at the Post Office
A guy went two the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asked him, 'Are you allergic to anything?
He replied, 'yes - caffeine'.
Have you ever been in the military service?
'Yes,' he replied.' I was in Iraq for two years.'
The interviewer said, 'That will give you 5 extra points
toward employment.
Then he asked, are you disabled in any way?'
The guy said, 'Yes.... a roadside bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.
' The interviewer said O.K. - You've got enough points for me to hire you right now.
Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. and plan
on starting @ 10:00 A.M. every day. The guy puzzled asks, 'if the work hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me here at 10?
'This is a government job,' the interviewer said. 'For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
No point in you coming in for that!'
A guy went two the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asked him, 'Are you allergic to anything?
He replied, 'yes - caffeine'.
Have you ever been in the military service?
'Yes,' he replied.' I was in Iraq for two years.'
The interviewer said, 'That will give you 5 extra points
toward employment.
Then he asked, are you disabled in any way?'
The guy said, 'Yes.... a roadside bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles.
' The interviewer said O.K. - You've got enough points for me to hire you right now.
Our normal hours are from 8:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M.
You can start tomorrow at 10:00 A.M. and plan
on starting @ 10:00 A.M. every day. The guy puzzled asks, 'if the work hours are from 8 to 4, why do you want me here at 10?
'This is a government job,' the interviewer said. 'For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.
No point in you coming in for that!'
Back UP
From a county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story . Recently a police patrol car parked outside a bar in Amity , Maine .
After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--they worked fine, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when he was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly; pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'
'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck.
'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'
From a county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story . Recently a police patrol car parked outside a bar in Amity , Maine .
After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off--they worked fine, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.
At last, when he was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly; pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'
'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck.
'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'
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