Economy Blonde:
A plane is on it's way to Toronto. When a blonde in Economy Class gets up and moves to the First Class Section and sits down..
The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blond that she paid for Economy Class and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, " I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to toronto and I'm staying right here". The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the co-pilot that there is a blonde bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in Economy,and won't move back to her seat in Economy.
The co-pilot goes back to see the blonde and explains that because she hadpaid for Economy Class that she will have to leave and return to her seat.
The blonde replies, " I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to toronto and I'm staying right here".
The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waitingwhen we land and have the blond arrested.
The pilot says , "You say she is blonde ?" Allow me to try and talk to her, Iam sure to be able to handle this, I'm married and I speak blonde
The pilot goes back and whispers in her ear, "Oh, I'm sorry", and the blonde quickly moves her back to her seat in Economy Class.
The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask the pilot," what it was hehad said to the blonde?"..
"I told her First Class was'nt going to Toronto"...
Friday, June 19, 2009
Nursing Home :
A fine Greek family was considering putting their Pappous in a nursing home. All the Greek facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Italian home.After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit the old gentleman.
"How do you like it here?" asks the Grandson. "It's wonderful. Everyone here is so courteous and respectful." says Pappous.
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since being Greek you are a little different from everyone." "Oh, No. Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents." Pappous says with a big smile.
"There's a musician here, he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'."
"There is a judge in here, he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'."
"There's a dentist here, 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'."
"And me, I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Greek."
A fine Greek family was considering putting their Pappous in a nursing home. All the Greek facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Italian home.After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit the old gentleman.
"How do you like it here?" asks the Grandson. "It's wonderful. Everyone here is so courteous and respectful." says Pappous.
"We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since being Greek you are a little different from everyone." "Oh, No. Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents." Pappous says with a big smile.
"There's a musician here, he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'."
"There is a judge in here, he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'."
"There's a dentist here, 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him 'Doctor'."
"And me, I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Greek."
Your an extreme Redneck when...
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered day care.
10. You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are 'Gentlemen, start your engines.
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Wooden Leg:
A man and his wife, moved back home to North Carolina , from Texas .The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Texas cost $2,000.00 a year!!
When they arrived in North Carolina , they went to an insurance Agency to see how much it would cost to insure the leg. The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in North Carolinato insure it, because it cost him $2,000.00 in Texas !!!!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00. You just have toknow how to describe it!
A man and his wife, moved back home to North Carolina , from Texas .The wife had a wooden leg and to insure it in Texas cost $2,000.00 a year!!
When they arrived in North Carolina , they went to an insurance Agency to see how much it would cost to insure the leg. The agent looked it up on the computer and said to the couple, '$39.00.'
The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in North Carolinato insure it, because it cost him $2,000.00 in Texas !!!!
The agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said, 'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system over it, is $39.00. You just have toknow how to describe it!
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