Office Girl

Two guys talking about the new girl in the office..

Mike says to Dave: I dated her in college and we
had great sex in the back seat of my car.
She was better than my wife.

Dave to Mike: I dated her also and we had great sex
as well. But must say, your wife always came back
for seconds and thirds.

Blonde and Dummy

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar.
He goes thru his usual run of stupid blonde jokesnwhen a big blonde
women in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,

"I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blonde jokes,ass hole.
What makes you think you can sterotype women that way? What does a person's
physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you
who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community,
and reaching my full potencial as a person...'because you and your kind continue to
perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but also women in general,
all in the name of humor'. When the blond pipes up..
The Flustered ventriloquist begins to apologize,.. 'You stay out of this mister
I'm talking to the midget on your knee'...

Aged Blonde

A blonde comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says:
"Mummy today at school we learned how to count. Well' the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 ! That's good, isn't it?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blonde?"
"Yes darling, it's because your blonde."

Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says:
"Mummy, today at school we learned the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O,P,Q,R,S,T,U,V,W,X,Y,Z !
Thats good is'nt it?"
"Yes darling very good."
"Is that because I'm blonde. Mummy?"
"Yes darling it's because your blonde."

Next day' she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went
swimming and well' all the girls have no breast, but look at me!"
She proceeds to flash her impressive hooters at her mum.
"Is that because I'm blonde, Mummy?"

Her mother replies " No darling, it's because you're 25.

Poor Memory

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house,
and after eating, the wives left the table and went into
the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said,
"Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was
really great". I would recommend it very highly.

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said,
"What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?
You know... the one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one," replied the man.
He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled,
"Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?


Memory Lapse

Sometimes memory lapses are a good thing .
A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices
that a rather dishy blonde behind him has just
raised her hand and smiled hello to him.

He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be
waving to him, and although familiar he can't place
where he might know her from, so he says "Sorry,
do you know me?"

She replies "I think you're the father of one of my children."

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has
been unfaithful. "Holy shit," he says, "are you that stripper
from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table
in front of all my friends while your girlfriend whipped
me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my butt?"

"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher.

Welfare Client

A guy walks into the local welfare office, marches straight
up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE
drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing
is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy
old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his
nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply
all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be
provided. You'll be expected to escort her on
her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges. You'll have a
two-bedroom apartment above the garage.
The starting salary is $200,000 a year".

The guy says, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker says, "Yeah, well,
you started it."

Miracle Grow

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to
his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in
'Slim Fast.' Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused and decided that she simply couldn't
let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out
of his drawer. 'What the hell is this?' he said to himself as a
little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.
'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put
talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied, 'It's not talcum powder; it's Miracle Grow.'